Predetermined

The Jones’ lived in a house that was not yet a home. Only purchased a year earlier, work was still needed for it to be truly built in their image. Odds and ends left behind from the previous owners; things left untouched, doing nothing but collecting dust, waiting to be destroyed. The largest of these things was a dark green shed that sat in the left corner of the backyard. The structure was an absolute eyesore. Built for function with no attention paid to style. Years of neglect had turned it from practical to grotesque. Composed of untreated wood and peeling paint, decades without care had left it waterlogged and decayed. Warped boards gave way to rusty nails. Still, it remained, shrouded in the bushes and trees. Blending in with the foliage. They ignored the shed. Kept equipment in the garage. Every once in a while, Mrs. Jones would glance out the back window and it would catch her eye. A reminder that it needed to be torn down, which was always soon forgotten. 

The only thing that ended up bringing the shed back into focus was that tools kept going missing. Simple tools; hammers, screwdrivers, wrenches, nails, duct tape and a pair of garden shears. One by one, they all disappeared. Mr. Jones would spend many weekend hours picking apart the house in search of some old piece of equipment. He spent more time rummaging through drawers than actually renovating the place. Nothing ever returned to him either, never found in a position where he could’ve carelessly thrown it. Once it was gone, it was gone. It was as if someone was collecting them slowly over time. Only after he had scoured every inch of his house did he finally decide to check the shed. 

It no longer smelled of moss and mildew. Instead, waves of must and rot permeated the surrounding air. The same smell that radiated off of little Jared after he came back from playing with the neighborhood kids. Small mounds of soil dotted the surroundings, pock marking the ground, patted in as much as possible. An attempt to conceal. A sloppy attempt done by tiny fingers. If you looked closely, you could see maggots clinging to the bits of flesh that peaked out from underneath the mounds. 

 The air was still. Still enough for Mr. Jones to hear the pounding of his own heartbeat. He told himself that there was no reason to worry, but he still braced himself before swinging that rusty door open. 

He found his tools. He also found out about his son’s after school activities. What wasn’t buried outside was scattered across the workbench. Any weak, small, furry creature that found itself within the young child’s clutches ended up subjected to an inspection within that shed.  Mangled mice thrown into a pile at the side of the desk. A strangled squirrel stuck in a leftover vice grip. The neighbor’s missing cat spread out over a towel with its insides carved out. The bloody exact-o knife placed next to it in a cruel imitation of a surgery set up. Little Jared had a very different definition of what it meant to play doctor. 

Mr. Jones, he didn’t scream, he didn’t shout, he just stood there gazing at his son’s handiwork. Anger registered, but no shock. What really sickened his stomach was how little this surprised him. 

A tight pained “What has Jared done?” escaped his mouth as his hands constricted into fists. Not a moment’s doubt about who the culprit was. 

His son’s strange proclivities had reared their ugly heads before. Jared had a habit of getting into trouble. The Jones’ constantly got called to the school in order to deal with his aggression. 

Jared’s eighth birthday party ended with him breaking Jenny Greenberg’s nose with a gardening shovel left out in the lawn. Neither child admitted to a motive. The Jones’s had another medical bill to pay and belt marks were left on Jared’s back as a reminder. The marks stayed there, shifting colors, for months on end. 

The head of the household no longer knew what to do with his own son. What possible punishment was appropriate for a kid that turned the backyard shed into a death factory for small furry creatures? His wife shared in his befuddlement, although she appeared more horrified and heartbroken.

After giving his wife a peek inside their son’s makeshift vivisection clinic, he went inside to find little Jared crouched in front of the TV set. Watching saturday morning cartoons, like a normal boy, like he hadn’t turned their backyard into a mortuary. He dragged the boy by the hair into his bedroom and lashed Jared’s back until it was nearly bloody. Words spewed out of his mouth in a flash of heat, “twisted”, “degenerate”, “psychotic”, “sick”. None of it could be absorbed. A cacophony of anger that didn’t stop until he caught a glance of his wife squinting at him in disgust.

The Mrs. didn’t mind corporal punishment. A child needs to understand that actions have consequences. What she didn’t appreciate was her husband yelling his lungs out at the kid. Nor the look of anger on his face. The idea of a grown man screaming at an eight year old sickened her. In her mind, every action that a parent took had to be intentional, well thought out, logical. Frustrated displays of emotion were selfish. The kid should be totally aware of the fact that even the violence was for their own good. So previously, Mr. Jones had always retained a degree of composure, even when he was striking his son. That was the compromise they came to.

Mrs. Jones believed that in order to properly exercise authority, you had to remain in control. Never let the people under you feel as though you don’t have everything handled. Never let them believe that they can shake you. But even she had to admit to a degree of fear after looking upon that shed. She wouldn’t let her husband show that to Jared though. So she sent the boy off to his room while the two of them continued their spat. 

Even the ever-composed Mrs. Jones showed cracks in her demeanor as she shoved her son into his room. Her voice tensing up. Stating that they would keep him there until they “figured out what to do with you”.

They bickered about what needed to be done. Jared listened through the cracks as his parents tore into one another, tore into him. His father was fuming, he wanted to lock the boy up in that shed until he feared he might rot in there like the things he had killed. The mother, well, she had the wherewithal to admit when a situation was beyond her ability. She figured that maybe a good child psychologist could sort the boy out. First, the marks would have to heal. She let her husband have at him for the time being, but she insisted that he contain his activities to those that wouldn’t leave evidence. 

Mr. Jones dragged Jared back to the shed. Told him to clean up the mess he had made. Deadlines were established. He had three weeks to make the place spotless. When the boy wasn’t at school, he spent every waking hour scrubbing the room raw. Scraping dried blood off of mossy wood, placing rotten corpses into garbage bags, attempting to get rid of the scent of decay. The bleach caused his eyes to well up. Hands were rubbed dry and prone to cuts. Knees scraped up on the floor boards. A mind filled with dread. Worrying about what would happen if his father wasn’t satisfied with the state of the place. Pangs of fear and rage displayed clearly on his face as he scrubbed and scrubbed.  

Time passed, and soon the father would perform his inspection. Making sure that he had rid the shed of any trace of its past.  The boy had spent the last hour frantically running a cloth over every surface one last time, making sure every ounce of blood or bile was gone from the room. Working until the last second.  When he could finally hear his father’s work boots clonking their way through the backyard, slowly making their way towards the shed.

Mr. Jones opened the door and started marching around the room, examining each area for any signs of impropriety. After every surface proved sanitized, he caught the eyes of little Jared and gave him a nod of approval.  Then he let out a “Wait, boy” as he grabbed the kid by his shirt collar. He turned his son around, lifted the boy’s shirt and began examining his back the same way as he had just done to the bloody countertops. When it was clear that there were no visible marks, he turned the kid around.

A hand was placed on the boy’s shoulder as his father expressed approval “Come on boy, your mother’s in the car, we’ve got a surprise for you”. 

As they exited the shed, Mr. Jones turned back for a moment, reached his hands into his pocket and pulled out a padlock. Then placed it into the door, locking away Jared’s corner of the world.

Ice cream was the story that got Jared into the car.  No hesitation. Assuming his father had been proud of the shed, he carved his buck-toothed mouth into a smile and climbed into the car with unrestrained joy. Snap a photo, in that moment and you’ve got a picture perfect glimpse of childhood innocence. Wait ten minutes and the fear begins to set in. Both parents sat in the front of the car, stone silent as each turn proved an unfamiliar path to the kid. Jared kept asking where they were going. First in curiosity, then in panic. Mom and Dad remained still. 

A pit began to form in the boy’s stomach as the car began to slow down in a section of the town designed for office buildings and medical facilities. He began to scream when they started to park the car. 

The Jones’ had to drag their son out of the vehicle. Jared burrowed himself into the back seat. Fingers clawed, nails dug into the upholstery as if it were the only life raft in the middle of the ocean. Each parent grabbing an ankle. He flailed his legs around in an attempt to get free from their grip. They pulled him out like a sack of potatoes. When Jared’s struggle proved fruitless, he finally gave in. 

Jared was placed in a room with a stranger sitting across from him. An older man, gazing through him, who spoke to Jared with an heir of clinical kindness. A false mixture of concern and friendliness. Question after question came rattling through his wrinkled mouth; the kid didn’t bite. He didn’t have any respect for the aging gentlemen condescending to him in the corner, but he had resigned to his fate. Deciding that the only way to wiggle free from the situation was to remain incredibly vague, he answered each question with as little detail as possible, yes sir, no sir. The balding head in the corner saw through his act. Realizing that he was making no progress, he switched his methods, cut to the chase.

“What were you doing in your parents’ shed?” the psychiatrist leaned forward in his recliner. Those were the first words that actually managed to catch Jared’s attention.

The boy stared at the floor as he meekly muttered out “I don’t know why it’s such a big deal? They were just animals, I said I was sorry”. 

“What wasn’t such a big deal” 

“I was just examining them.” Jared moused out. 

“How were you examining them?” 

“You know, looking inside” he stated as his eyes darted around the room. 

“Did you kill them?”
“You have to, in order to look”

“Do you like killing animals?”

The boy shrugged “a little”

It went on for a little while, the man asked a pointed question and then the boy would respond in a meager way. But instead of the man getting angry or upset like Jared was used to, he feigned approval. 

 He smiled at the boy, “You’re really young, how did you manage to catch all of those critters?”. 

Jared’s eyes lit up “Well, my friend had these cages . . .”

They met weekly from that day on. Jared began to enjoy his meetings. The man let Jared ramble on about his kills, always engaged and never expressing judgment. Jared offered the man his ammunition willingly, never seeing the danger that he was in. It wasn’t until the tests and examinations that the boy had realized the trap that was set for him. Like the squirrels seeing the bars trapping them, only after they had finished munching on the nuts. 

He tried his best to wiggle his way free. Answering every question in the way that was expected of him. Trying to appear as normal as possible. But deep down, he was aware of how pointless this was. The gate had already closed around him. 

Jared completely closed himself off after that day. Car rides became more difficult.  The meetings with the strange man continued weekly but Jared became more defiant, less willing to chat with the man that he now saw as a traitor.

Things changed. His father no longer hit him. The belt was replaced with silence. The parents exchanged more words about the boy than with him. 

The Jones’s waited for the psychiatrists to come to a consensus. Figure out what was wrong with their son. Decide what needed to be done about him. Fix him, so that the two of them wouldn’t find themselves culpable for the person he would become. Nothing ruins a family’s parent’s reputation quite like raising the next Ted Bundy. They told themselves that this man was the solution but they held their breath everytime the phone rang. Stuck still in fear, waiting on the day that they would get their answers. Nothing fared better when they got the call. 

The two of them were sat down on the same sofa where Jared had his weekly chats. They looked up at the man who charged them 150 dollars a week to talk to their boy. Waiting for him to tell them what needed to be done in order to fix their kid. Instead, they were met with disappointment. All that money only to be told that Jared was a lost cause. That their son’s actions only served as signals of what was to come. Jared’s lack of empathy, his fascination with ripping things apart, his violent tendencies, these would only intensify as he matured. 

The man got very abstract. Moving the conversation away from their own kid and instead  focusing on various psychological studies that he felt were somehow connected to their son’s behavior. He started prattling on and on about some Stanford marshmallow experiment. In 1972, a man by the name of Walter Mischel led a child psychology experiment on delayed gratification. 32 children between the ages of three to five were placed in a room with a marshmallow. They were told that they could eat the marshmallow now or wait for the researcher to return in order to get another. Kids were then divided up by those that were able to resist the marshmallow and those that couldn’t. The children’s lives were then analyzed over the course of about forty years. The groups only became more distinctive as they grew in age. Those that managed to resist the marshmallow were able to attain more success in nearly every arena of life. Better SAT scores, lower BMI’s, achieved higher levels of education, possessed more wealth and had better job security throughout their lives. The ones that weren’t able to resist faded into poverty and obesity.

 The point is that some things are intrinsic. The kids in that experiment, the amount of willpower that they maintained throughout their entire life could be predicted within a single observational study that they performed as toddlers. We aren’t all as malleable as we pretend to be. There is a rigidity in character that is set up from birth. Good people stay good, and wicked people remain wicked. Change is rare and usually the result of a major brain injury. People can be laid out and picked apart from infancy. 

 The psychiatrist then connected the experiment back to Jared. Taking the boy’s future and laying it out right in front of them. Maybe he could mend his ways but most likely not. Most likely his actions would only become more sinister. His life would consist of  a series of increasingly antisocial behavior that would progress into larger and larger issues. Bouncing from juvenile facility to juvenile facility until he aged into an adult penitentiary. Until he did something worthy of the state sticking a needle into his vein and calling it a day. 

Conduct Disorder, that’s what the psychiatrist called it. A label slapped onto those too young to be considered full blown psychopaths. 

Both of them felt as though they had been bisected.

Jared was their only son. The culmination of all their hard work. Children are the hope that things could get better. That there was a possibility of improvement. This man was calmly extinguishing that hope like it was nothing more than snuffing out a candle. A seventy pound hole was being carved into both of their chests.

The psychiatrist watched their faces change from shock, to horror, to dismay. Waiting for the perfect moment. When it was clear that his words had pulled each of them apart he proposed a solution. 

There was more sympathy in the doctor’s eyes now, as he told the Jones’ that they weren’t at fault. Jared wasn’t either. The boy was sick. Nobody determined his personality. Nobody decided what his impulses and demeanor would be. His lack of empathy was bestowed upon him by nature. He didn’t decide to be born with a defective mind, and therefore there was no point in blaming him for his actions. Just a curse of nature. Similar to being born with childhood dementia. It wasn’t insanity in the legal sense of the word, but as far as the medical community was concerned, Jared’s mind was a degenerative disease. 

He told them other’s would suffer, that their boy would suffer when the consequences of having a mind like his finally caught up to him. He told them it wasn’t a crime to eliminate the damage. Cut it out at its root and create less suffering in the world. 

He needed to be contained before he stopped being just a four foot tall buck toothed kid. Before he grew into something monstrous. One shot in the arm was all it would take to keep him cute forever. It would take less from them. One signature each, the same as giving permission for a class field trip. 

Still, it was their only son, their bundle of joy, their reason to wake up every morning and continue through the draining labor of life. Something to cherish, treat with methodical care, not toss away like a rabid animal. They left the office with a feigned indignation. 

 Composure was maintained within the psychiatrist’s office, but the second the car door slammed shut, they both began weeping. 

The two of them continued on with their normal life. Forcing down the words they had heard. Pretending that nothing had changed. Tried their best to pretend that nothing had changed. That didn’t work. Mainly because Jared remained the same. Calls would come in telling them that he had been beating up the younger boys. He bit his mother when she tried to send him to bed. One day, they caught him walking back home with the Finnigan’s eight week old puppy clenched tightly in his arms. 

Every transgression brought the doctor’s words back into focus. Even rage became a performance. Mr. Jones would muster up whatever fire he could in order to spit his fury back at his kid, but delivering that paternal discipline felt forced. Knowledge of his son’s condition had stripped even his anger from him. After all, this was just Jared’s nature. 

One thought kept trickling back into their brains. All of this could be solved with a simple signature. An acknowledgement of their child’s sickness. 

Mrs. Jones was the first one to bring it up. The night after finding a kill kit packed away behind a dresser in Jared’s room. A knife, hammer, pair of rubber gloves and a tiny saw neatly  packed into a bundle of cloth and secured together with twine. She presented the idea as an act of sympathy. Combing through all of the things that could happen to people if they allowed his life to continue. What the punishments would be for him once he was caught. Assuring that there would be no sympathy remaining for him as he grew to adulthood. At least the needle would leave them with their dignity. Instead of waiting years to watch their son end up wasting away in a prison cell. It was what was best for the community, and best for their kid. Jared may have only been a child, but that didn’t mean that she was going to let his own nature rot him from the inside out. 

Mr. Jones stepped in line, and the following week they were once again sitting in that same psychiatrist’s office. This time accompanied by legal representation and staring at a slew of documents in front of them. They both pushed away any idea of what this meant and quickly jotted each of their names down while choking back tears. 

Two months would pass until the date of the execution. They spent their remaining days with Jared absolutely spoiling the psychopath. Entertaining every whim the boy had. Even his darker interests no longer drew the ire of his parents. His tools and traps were returned to him. His dad removed the padlock on the shed door. Jared was still young enough to remain oblivious. Too distracted with toys and a newfound sense of freedom to truly notice what was happening. 

Jared didn’t realize anything was wrong until the night before they took him away. At the dinner table with all of his favorite food laid out for him. A mess of junk food placed delicately on the table as if it were a thanksgiving feast. Pancakes stacked up high next to a pile of ribs across from pizza, oreo ice cream and a candy covered platter. A full on last supper for the brat. At first, Jared was delighted. But he noticed that his mom couldn’t look at him for two seconds without choking back tears. Jared wasn’t stupid. Somewhere deep inside himself he knew that his parent’s change of heart was too good to be true. Everytime his parents treated him as if they were his yes men, a sinking feeling would bubble up inside of him. His mind was seethed with a growing paranoia.

 He laid awake at night waiting to hear the sound of his parent’s door slam shut and lock behind him. Tiptoed out into the house and stood outside of his parent’s room. Keeping his feet away from the doorframe, he placed his ear to the door and listened carefully for the whispers of his parents. 

He heard them quietly sobbing at the mention of his name. Convincing each other that they had made the right decision. Siking themselves up. Preparing to kill their son. A dagger of fear pierced through his heart.

The boy stayed quiet. Quiet enough to hear his own heart racing. His ears focused in on any sounds coming from his parent’s bedroom. Waiting until he could hear the faint sound of his father’s snores and when he was sure that both of his parents were sound asleep, he sprung from his bed and grabbed his tools. Trying to remain as quiet as possible, he started rummaging through drawers until he felt the cold smooth metal of his father’s padlock. In a blind panic, he retreated to the one place where he felt the most comfortable, that old shed. 

Mr. and Mrs. Jones woke up to find Jared missing. Mrs. Jones took a moment to notice how empty the house felt without him. A pang of sorrow reached her as she contemplated the fact that this feeling would last forever. Whatever happened, by the end of the day the boy would be gone forever. Either dying in a hospital or on the streets weeks later. 

The shed was the first place they checked after checking the house. After pulling on the door handle a couple of times, Mr. Jones realized it was locked. He put two and two together, coming to the conclusion that his son must have barricaded himself in. Started calling out his son’s name, trying to coax him out with false promises. 

At first, the son remained silent. A vain attempt at not giving away his location. The same way a normal kid would stand still when obviously caught in a game of hide and seek. But the father kept yelling back till the vocal cords grew hoarse and the words panged with more and more frustration. 

“If you don’t come out, we’ll have to get in” were the last words his father yelled before retreating to the garage, his mother keeping watch over the only exit. 

Mr. Jones came back holding an ax and began swinging at the door in front of him. The wet boards caved in further with each blow. Soon he could see his son huddled up in the corner, clutching a knife. An image that only added vigor to his thrashing. In a couple of minutes the hole was big enough for Mr. Jones to crawl through. Further peeling back the wood as he barged his way through. 

Jared resembled the trapped animals that he had tormented, right as he reached his hand into the cage. Cowered up in a stance of frightened violence but too tiny to really make a difference. It wasn’t long before his dad was looming over him. Jared took his hunting knife and began frantically slashing. It didn’t look like the methodical cuts that he left on his prey. The movements had more resemblance to a cornered cat swiping his claws at a much larger predator, clumsy and fruitless. 

The kid managed to wedge a couple of deep cuts into his dad before being thrown to the ground and losing grip on his blade. Hyped up on adrenaline, Mr. Jones wouldn’t feel the sting until they had already dragged their child to the hospital, kicking and screaming. Until a nurse had already plunged a heavy sedative into the boy. 

Jared’s fight switched focus from the outer world to the inner. You could see the boy struggling to stay conscious. Bobbing his head back and forth as an effort to hold it upright. Straining his eyes in order to keep them from closing. His thoughts slowed and his grip loosened but he continued to fight. Fight falling into a sleep that he knew he would never wake up from. 

The drugs won in the end. Within ten minutes he slumped over and lost consciousness. His mother carried him into the waiting area and began filling out paperwork as his dad got stitched up. She hesitated as she looked at him in his slumber. Jared’s calm, tiny, unfinished face made her want to drag him out of that building, make sure none of these doctors could ever get their hands on him. For a second, she believed everything could be better if they just got away from everyone. Stuck him in the middle of a desert somewhere alone where he couldn’t hurt anyone and they couldn’t hurt him. Then her husband came back covered in frankenstein stitching. A reminder of the damage Jared was capable of.

Besides, it was normal enough to block out the doubt. Fluorescent lighting, bad magazines and pamphlets spread out on plain coffee tables, stiff neutral colored couches eased the guilt. The office made the experience feel no different than taking her boy to get his teeth cleaned. A comforting sort of boredom, the kind designed to make people forget that these would be their last moments on earth. Convincing their mind that they would exit the building up until the needle was staring them in the face. A salving balm put over the finality, sanitizing and sterilizing the nature of death. Every soothing nod of approval conditioned her to just keep saying yes. She jotted her name down with tears in her eyes, choking back the nagging pain in her heart. Soon a doctor came around to grab Jared. 

The Joneses walked alongside the stretcher that Jared was placed on. Followed him into a white hospital room where his anesthetized body was moved from the stretcher to a generic hospital bed. Well, not a bed, but a dark blue cushion covered with a layer of sanitized paper. The kind that existed in nearly every pediatrician’s office. 

The doctor performed his job bureaucratically. His movements formed into a routine that made it seem like he had done this a million times before. Measuring the boy’s vitals before preparing the needle. Careful to make sure that no air bubbles got into the syringe. Jared’s limp arm was turned over and an injection point was located. He swabbed the arm with an alcoholic napkin before sticking the needle in and lowering the liquid in. 

It only took a minute for the boy to die. Both of his parents sobbed over him as his heart stopped beating. The doctor’s gave them a moment. Waited for the crying to subside before transporting the corpse to a mortuary. 

The parents drove home in silence, alone. Holes burnt into both of their hearts. The shed was nagging them when they got home. Still standing there with a splintery hole carved into it. The thing was gone within a week. They planned to erect a gazebo in its place. In the following weeks, they looked at each other differently. Constantly getting into fights in order to drown out the emptiness. Through the violence they realized that they were still young, that it wasn’t too late to start over. Create another baby to fill the void. Hopefully the new child wouldn’t be born defective. Then they could put the whole mess behind them. They told themselves that they did the right thing, but secretly they questioned it every day. They could have saved dozens or they could have saved nobody, who’s to say. 

The Mercurian

First, I want to apologize. This message will not be nearly as eloquent or informative as the one you got from Kurt Waldheim. Though there is no way of knowing if you can tell the difference. I don’t know how much of this you will be able to understand. The details are going to be a bit fuzzy. Please understand, these descriptions are of a world that I have never seen, and that my family hasn’t seen for twelve generations. 

When we first found your planet, we named it Eden. The name was from a tale in a book that guided our species for most of its existence. The book was called the Bible. It used to be our explanation for how we came into being. We’re a species that created and destroyed with purpose and therefore we believed that everything was created and destroyed with purpose.  The book was waning in influence when we first found you. 

There was a place called the Garden of Eden in that book. A version of our world free of pain, suffering and hunger. The story goes that the first two people lived in this perfect place, free of all the vices that plague us. One day they ate a fruit they weren’t allowed to. They became wicked, and were cast into the planet that we came from. It was a ridiculous story, but we believed it for thousands of years. Our species has a renowned talent for lying and for believing lies. 

Even after we no longer believed, we still searched for that garden. We scoured all 197 million square miles of our planet, and when that failed, we tried to build it. The problem was that everyone had a different version of what they thought the garden should be.

We destroyed each other. Then we built something that could destroy us completely. We slowed down after that. That was when we started looking past our planet. We only made it so far. 

You must understand how much of our story revolves around muscle and tissue and decay. I don’t know if time writes lines on your face like it does ours. Each one of us has about a hundred years before we turn back into dust; sometimes more, sometimes less.  

Another thing that you need to know about our species is that we don’t want to be alone. Even though we didn’t last long, our stuff did. 

It was called the Voyager 1. A metallic box that contained images and sounds from our home planet. We sent “Hello” in fifty five different languages. We sent math equations, DNA strands, landscapes, human anatomy, animals, food and music. We fired them out into your direction, and five hundred and twenty six years later, you answered back. 

 I don’t know how much of the golden record you understood. I belong to the species that it depicts, and it doesn’t even make sense to me. I can’t imagine what you thought of it. 

I’m sorry. We never did figure out what any of the lines, shapes and waveforms you sent back to us meant. But we still heard you, and that made us want to listen.

We were shocked by how similar your planet was to ours, with fresh water, oxygen, foliage, oceans and mountains. Your planet is truly beautiful. I’m sorry that none of us will ever get to see it.  We were all in awe when those grainy satellite images came in. We immediately assumed it was better simply because it was not here. We wanted desperately to meet you. 

In most of the lies we told about space, the distance problem is solved. Space travel is as simple as a plane trip or a cruise if you break the laws of physics. Sadly, that only existed in our fiction. Truth is, we never even came close to reaching 299,792,458 meters per second. Even that speed feels like an eternity when you account for the distance between the two of us.

Our species survives through reproduction. A man and a woman will come together and create another one of us. It will spend nine months inside the woman and come out unfinished. The man and woman will have to care for it until it reaches maturity. This process takes about  two decades, more or less. When the man and woman whither away and die, their replacements will continue on. Those replacements will find another of our species and make replacements of our own. So the cycle continues. 

People tend to like the first part of the process, but hate the rest of it. We are biologically wired to enjoy the first part of the process. It dominated a good amount of our time and effort. Men, in particular, devoted a good amount of time into convincing women to start the process. Some started the process by force and we created laws to punish those men. Women enjoyed it too, but they had to be wary because the consequences were more dire for them. The rest of the process was painful, difficult and time consuming. We eventually invented ways to do the first part of the process without actually creating a replacement. It changed things a little bit, though not as much as you’d think.

We explained this all on the Voyager. Although, I haven’t the slightest idea how much you understood.

Even if we couldn’t reach you then, eventually our copies would be able to. That was the concept that led the Mercurian to be built. It was the largest public project humankind had ever undertaken. Billions of dollars and millions of hours were spent building this vessel. The Mercurian shared its name with a planet from our solar system and a god that we no longer worshiped. He was the messenger god, and the Mercurian was built to deliver you the message of our species. The Mercurian, the spiritual successor the Voyager 1, made us the new golden record. Each person was designed to be their own message in a bottle. 

I wonder if that phrase makes sense to you.

It was built to be a self-sustaining vessel home for over 50,000 of us. It needed to last over 2,000 years in the vacuum of space. The end product had enough luxuries to keep our species entertained and educated as well. Then all we had to do was send the breeding population out into the cosmos.

We sent 500 people, 250 men, 250 women. Married couples were prioritized. The few single people allowed to board were evenly split among genders. Everyone was between the ages of 18 and 36, though there was not a single woman over 30. Women lose their ability to make replacements quicker than men. Men needed to be between six to thirteen percent body fat and women had to be between fourteen to sixteen percent. Every founding inhabitant of the Mercurian was seen as someone of significant value to mankind. We sent up scientists, athletes, artists, inventors and models. Scientists, inventors and artists were known for what their minds can create while models and athletes were known for their physical perfection. 

Every person that originally left our planet on this vessel did so willingly. This meant that the Mercurian was populated by the most important people on earth, and the most desperate to leave it. This group of rich, talented and beautiful people who all thought that 196 million square miles wasn’t enough decided to shove their descendants in 50. 

How did they not expect us to tear each other apart?

In a lot of ways, The Mercurian was a garden of Eden in its own right. No struggle, no pain, nobody worrying about their next meal, or where they would take shelter. Production wasn’t an issue. The only purpose left was to go forth and multiply. We did this once with mice. 

A long time before I was born, a scientist named John B. Calhoun stuck mice in a perfect enclosed environment. They were free of disease, predation and scarcity. Nevertheless, they were contained. When this was done to members of our own species, we called it imprisonment. Imprisonment was seen as a punishment that was only fitting for the worst of us, though others ended up there too. The mice all stopped breeding and killed each other.

Poor little mice, there was nowhere for them to explore. 

It was okay for a while, heavenly even. The first few generations were able to remain rooted to Earth and fueled by their objective. They were God’s chosen people, leading their tribe out of Israel. Most of the original members continued working to the best of their ability, within the confines of the ship. Children took on the practices of their parents or developed practices of their own. Everyone bred. 

We used to get messages from our home planet. Updates from earth. They started out frequent. The first generation was able to keep in touch with the people they left behind. Then distance once again became a problem. It took longer and longer for messages to be received.

 Still, we did receive messages. Even if every new piece of information was already 50 years out of date. Even if every picture of a baby being born was likely already dead before the photo even reached our eyes. It was still something.

Then they stopped altogether. 

Even if you could comprehend everything sent to you by the Voyager 1, there was still so much we left out. We never told you about the organisms that used our bodies to spread from person to person and then killed us when they were done. We never told you about the bombs we built that were capable of destroying the entire planet. We didn’t tell you that our main source of energy was slowly heating the planet up. We didn’t tell you that we clustered into groups we called nations and that those groups would regularly decide to kill a different one. We never told you how likely it was that our species would suffer a violent and brutal death by our own hand.

It was around this time that we realized we were trapped in a box. 

We were all too interconnected. There was no escaping each other. There wasn’t much keeping us united either. Everything was already prewritten. No large goals or struggle that required us to get along. Creation felt like arranging furniture on the Titanic. Sorry, that’s another saying you won’t understand.

It took me a while to understand why humans were cast out of the Garden of Eden. I always wondered why God would tempt us with something that would doom us to sin. Now, I understand. The fruit from the tree of knowledge didn’t make our species sinful. Our willingness to eat the apple proved to god what we already were. We wouldn’t have survived in paradise. The original sin was want. In order to want, there’s always got to be something just out of reach. Otherwise, all that’s left is just an inevitable slow crawl to death.

Our species is not a hive mind, though yours may be. Every man can only experience life through their own eyes, they only think their own thoughts. We collaborate and communicate throughout our whole lives, but despite all of that, each one of us is alone. I hope that this will help you understand that a purpose that will not be fulfilled until long after you are gone, and takes no individual effort on your part, is not much of a purpose at all. The only reason to keep existing was something chosen by people that were long dead before we were even born. It didn’t require anything from us either.

We clung to that hollow purpose more than ever before. It was all we had. The entirety of communal life on The Mercurian became razor focused on being and breeding the best representations of the human species.

Our species is exceptionally good at finding ways to separate one another. Inventing ways to determine which of us were good or bad, worthy or unworthy, pure or degenerate.

On a ship comprised of what were supposed to be the most beautiful, creative and intelligent people, we still found ways to attempt to cull the herd. Ideas spread like viruses. Ideas of what society should be, how to best represent humanity, how we should structure ourselves. Some of them were old favorites. It wasn’t long before IQ tests were determining every aspect of your life. Then it was beauty. Then virtue. We invented disease where there were none. Anything to create division. 

I hope you don’t know what it’s like to live like this. Where every action, every word, every facial expression has the potential to out you as a deviant. Always feeling that you don’t belong, that you are less than those around you. A need to hide an ever present infection, lest you be found out and cast aside. I hope your species is better than that.

Every relationship you have just increases the potential that you will be caught. 

None of us are happy with being cast aside. We didn’t all handle it the same way. Some of us avoided everything, some of us were much more active. The more active found a purpose in destroying our Garden of Eden. It didn’t matter if they died in the process, so long as they took a few others with them. The lengths that people would go to in order to produce a copy of themselves became particularly nefarious. Men forced women into motherhood and those mothers would abandon their child. 

The population dwindled. The fighting increased.

We divided ourselves into groups. Each group convinced that the other was nothing but degenerates that needed to be cleansed from the ship. Then they attacked each other until one faction emerged victorious. The others were either killed or lived the remainder of their life in solitude. After they had cast away the heathens they began to divide and turn on each other once again. Mothers began to see the flaws that they had others killed for in their own children. They were not kinder to their kin. 

Sometimes the only choices you have are fight or flight. I fled. If I were a mouse I would be called a Beautiful One. They had a word for humans like me but it wasn’t as flattering. I locked myself into my chamber and watched as my species resorted to a divide and conquer method of suicide. I only ever left to fulfill my basic needs.

Then it got really quiet.

Everyday, I roam the halls of the Mercurian, looking to see if there is anyone left. It’s been a year now. So far, all I have found are bodies. I buried them in the planters, as is tradition. They will break down and provide the food for a colony that is no longer here. 

I don’t know if I am the last remaining member of my species. I don’t even know if I’m the last person living on the Mercurian. It is possible that there are a few stragglers spread out throughout the ship. It doesn’t matter though. If they are alive, they are probably like me. Pent up in their apartments, avoiding social interaction by any means necessary. They won’t breed either, and our species will die out with us.

It’s possible that we are earth’s forgotten science project, left to fester and rot. They might all be fine down there on that big blue marble. But most likely not. Most likely, they ate each other as well. 

I realize that this letter hasn’t painted my species in the best light. Please, don’t cast judgment on us simply because of how we went extinct. There is no such thing as a good ending.

 I was taught that even the universe, in all its divine and beautiful glory, will eventually collapse under the weight of its own expansion.

It is true that we were violent and jealous and spiteful. But we made things. Beautiful things, things that connected us all. Things that will reach out into the universe endlessly and make their impact on beings that our species couldn’t even fathom. 

In 300 years, when this ship crash lands on your planet, long after every human being that ever existed is dead, please enjoy the things we made. Remember the hands that built them.

Goodbye, Eden